#7: I wish I knew what I was doing
My favorite month, healing with epiphanies, a dopamine menu, a poem, and a new writing journal coming this month
Hello to you and hello to my favorite month! Today’s newsletter will be a bit more blog-style, because it is September and I want to share some thoughts while also sharing my internet finds of the week. I hope you enjoy both.
I am admittedly feeling quite reflective, which I think is partly due to it being September. This month is not only my birthday and anniversary month (as well as the birthday or anniversary month for basically everyone else in my family), so I naturally feel more thoughtful and internal when this time of year rolls around. I get to think back to past years—birthdays and getting married and having babies—and it also feels very fresh to me. It’s both old and new. I’ve always said this time of year feels more like New Years to me, and I enjoy the refresh it brings. At the same time, I find myself feeling nearly frantic because it feels like time is slipping away so quickly. It is this time of year that I want so desperately to hold on to the moment—the weather changing, new activities, all the fall events—but in reality, things never really slow down.
A few months ago, I had this weird epiphany moment. I was rushing around for some reason—honestly, who knows why—and I looked at myself in the mirror and said out loud to myself, “There is no end.”
I have this mentality, and I imagine a lot of us do, that there is some end point to the things we are going through or enduring. If you are a working person or a parent or ya know, a human being living in the 21st century, we often feel like we are being pulled in multiple directions all the time. Someone or something, aside from ourselves, needs our attention. We tell ourselves that things will get easier when ___ happens, or things will slow down when ___ passes. But those are lies. Life is just happening all the time, forever, and there will never be a time—at least not in my current season of motherhood and life in general—that things are calmer or quieter or less busy. It just is.
“There is no end.”
It might sound slightly morbid or dark, but in the moment of my realization, it was freeing. If I can stop looking to the next thing, the next moment, the “better” or “calmer” or “cleaner” or whatever lie I’m telling myself, I will be better off. Because if I can stop looking for some end point, I will be able to be in the moment that exists right in front of me. I will be able to do what I can with the time I have each day, in spite of the chaos. I will be able to love what is here, now, and not worry about whatever is coming next. There is something really beautiful about that.
It is my sincere hope that this month, and all months after, that you and I can stop looking for an end and realize that the importance of the moment is right now. Right in front of us. And whatever “end” is out there is not ours. Not yet. Not now.
May September heal us.
Some internet things:
This poem by
was so moving for me. She is a new follow and I am loving her work and mission.My girlfriends and I have all shared this post with each other from Motherly, and while it is a disheartening statistic, it is also comforting to know we aren’t alone. How can we be better about this, people?
I feel like I HAVE to make this crochet pattern for my niece, Josie Ann, or one of the little baby cousins that my family has on the way. It is too good.
Some books I’ve read lately:
I set a goal to read 30 books this year, and I might actually surpass it! If you’re on Goodreads, let’s be friends. Here are some that I have read in the past few months. I would LOVE if you would share some good fall/winter reads!
A dose of poetry:
I wrote this when Daisy was teeny-tiny, and I recently rediscovered it. It’s a short one, much like the one from last week, and I have enjoyed playing with this short-form.
Last thing:
We finished up the Write Yourself August Challenge and it has filled my heart with joy. About 40 people signed up for this challenge and just knowing these prompts were out there in the world to that many people made me so happy. Within the next week, I will have a new writing journal available, and this time, it will provide you with a year’s worth of prompts. More details will be available on my website and through Instagram.
P.S. If you’ve noticed that each title is a song lyric, thank you for being so observant! And for the rest of you, I promise I’m not just choosing something super unhinged as each title. But also, maybe I am? Bonus points if you can pinpoint each one.